helping kids
cope during the holidays
Keeping kids cheerful during the holiday season
is every parents dream. However, it is not a goal that is achieved
easily. Even the best behaved child can have a meltdown at this time
of year. Holidays cultivate many stressors that may cause a child to
erupt: Absence of routine, over stimulation, being away from home and
one important one that many of us may overlook - parent stress. Kids
are very tuned into their parents mood and when they sense you are
stressed, they can get extremely overwhelmed. They need you to stay
grounded and when you aren’t, their behavior may show it. So, how do
we stay calm and keep our kids calm when we have 37 gifts to buy at
16 different stores and holiday meals to cook and 12-hour trips to
take? Read on for tips on shopping, maintaining structure and
routine and what to do if the dreaded tantrum occurs.
Shopping Tips:
My number one recommendation for parents is to
shop online or leave the kids at home. Unfortunately, this isn’t
always a realistic expectation. If you do have to take your children
shopping, make sure they are prepared for the situation and make
sure you go with realistic expectations:
Explain to them what you are going to be doing
and where you are going. Tell them when you will eat, or when they
will be able to play.
Be specific about what behavior is expected.
Being a good boy or girl is too vague. For example, “we are going to
a place where we will have to walk and stay close to mommy and we
will have to use an inside voice”. Always tell them what TO do
instead of what NOT to do. Providing them with the tools to behave
makes life easier.
The mall is boring, overwhelming and confining
and children don’t like to stand in line, be quiet or be still.
Allow your child some time to run around between stores.
Provide incentives for your child to receive
when the shopping is done, such as a trip to the park or an ice
cream. When a desired activity follows an undesired activity, a
child’s motivation to behave is increased.
Look for the signs that your child may be
unraveling. Validate their feelings and needs and remind them of the
expected behavior and reward. For example “I know you are getting
mad but if you use a quiet voice and remain standing you can earn
your treat”. One warning is appropriate but if your child does not
stop what he is doing, you may need to leave whatever you are doing.
Always provide praise for good behaviors. We
parents focus too much on scolding or punishing our kids when a bad
behavior occurs but we forget to reward the good ones. Catch them
being good. If your child is standing patiently in line, even for a
few seconds, use it as an opportunity to praise him for the good
behavior.
Do not plan on going to the mall at rush hours,
or the day before Christmas. Avoid overcrowded places as much as
possible.
Feed your kids before going out. A hungry
child is a recipe for disaster.
And finally, be sure your kids are not tired. Taking them to
the mall after a nap is always easier.
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