Being a parent is one of the most difficult and demanding jobs. Yet, nobody teaches you how to be a parent. Being able to relax and enjoy the moment is a key ingredient in being a more effective parent. Learn to relax and it can change the whole tone of the household.

There are many factors that create stress at home. Caring for children 24/7 is certainly one of the most demanding and stressful jobs. If you don’t recognize and deal with stress, it can lead to anxiety, depression, ulcers, emotional breakdown, deterioration of relationships, addictions, sleeping and eating problems, which in turn will increase the stress level causing a snow ball effect.

Stress can not be eliminated but it can be managed. Keep in mind that you not only have to manage your stress, but your children’s stress too.

I suggest taking breaks to relax and recharge your batteries. There are 4 kinds of breaks:

Small Breaks: 10 to 15 minutes. Schedule this kind of breaks between activities. I strongly recommend taking these breaks every 2-3 hours throughout your day, in particular before and after “stressful” events, such as before your children return from school, before taking your child to the dentist, after your kids fall asleep, etc. Even if you only have a few minutes to spare – take advantage of those minutes by sitting, clearing your head and taking deep breaths.

Medium Breaks: 1 to 2 hours. I recommend taking these breaks at least once per day even if it is just relaxing in front of the TV or with a good book after your kids have gone to sleep.

Large Breaks: an entire day for yourself! I recommend taking these breaks at least 2-3 times per month, preferably, once a week.

Extra-Large Breaks: 3 to 5 days. I recommend taking these breaks at least 2-3 times a year: Plan a VACATION! You deserve it.

The only way to ensure that you will get needed breaks is to schedule these breaks in advance. If you wait until you have time it will never happen – something will always come up. You don’t wait until your car runs out of gas to stop and fill the tank. Don’t you deserve at least the same treatment than your car?

What can you do during those breaks? Make a list of relaxing activities that you enjoy. If you put it in writing, you are more likely to actually take the time to enjoy your breaks.

Here are some tips:

Exercise: Choose your favorite physical activity and make it part of your weekly routine. Exercise is one of the best ways to get away and refresh before returning to the daily grind. Schedule time for exercise and make a commitment. If you wait until “you have time”, you’ll probably never do it. Walking, running, biking are some examples of activities that you can do during your small breaks. Playing tennis and swimming are some examples of activities that you can do during your medium breaks. Don’t forget to drink enough liquids before, during and after the activity.

Hobbies: Find an activity that you enjoy for your large breaks, such as meeting with friends, playing music, gardening, painting, going to the movies, etc.

Eat healthy food: Food is the principal source of energy. Watch what you eat. Appreciate what you eat, so you are open for the energy. Make a habit of stopping what you are doing to have lunch. Do not eat while working, answering the phone, or dealing with your child’s tantrum. Take a small break to eat. Stop. I promise you, everything will still be there when you come back. And drink lots of water throughout the day. Once you are thirsty it is already too late. The same counts for your children.

Make time to get adequate sleep: This means, relax before going to sleep at night or taking a nap. Going to sleep stressed is a recipe for bad quality sleep: nightmares, difficulty falling asleep, sleeping too much, etc. Take a few minutes to relax

Ask for help: Do not try to do it all by yourself. Delegate and seek appropriate support.

Learn to say “NO”: Don’t overextend yourself. It is OK if you don’t have every minute of every day scheduled. Take time to stay at home on the weekends now and then.

“TO DO” and “NOT TO DO” lists: Eliminate the clutter in your mind and in your environment by writing things down. Too much “stuff” in your head takes away your energy. Decide what you are going to stop doing and keep a separate list to remind yourself.

Learn how to breathe: Don’t take breathing for granted. When stressed, you don’t breathe appropriately, which makes you feel tired. Find a Yoga class and learn how to control your breathing. This can be a medium break.

Establish predictable and consistent daily routines: Predictability is the best medicine to reduce anxiety, for you and for your children. Do not overload the schedule packing activities to the minute. Free, unstructured time is also necessary. Be consistent in following through with regular meal, sleep and play times, even during weekends and holidays.

Seek professional help: If all of the above are not enough, seek professional help through your primary physician, local social services agencies, hospitals or religious/community centers. Don’t wait until is too late.

The manner in which you manage your stress greatly influences your children’s level of stress, which in turn prevents behavioral problems.  Learning to relax can change the entire nature of your family dynamic.

 First Step: Take care of yourself!